Blackish episode : Mother Nature

I watched one of the new episodes of ‘Black-ish” not long ago. It was the episode ‘mother nature’ where Rainbow ‘Bo’, is experiencing postpartum depression and I am in tears for probably half of the episode. I was looking straight into a mirror. I could relate to her character on such a deep level and I knew I had to write about it. I have not had a child so I have not experienced postpartum depression specifically but I have experienced depression due to high levels of stress and that shit sucked.

You want to be healthy so bad but you know mentally you are not.

I am desperate for mental health issues to become more normalized in the sense that people in our society becomes more aware to the point that anyone would recommend a trip to a doctor’s office like they do a broken foot or the common cold. I know that things would become so much easier for millions of Americans alone if mental health issues were given the attention it so rightfully deserves.

Bo kept saying she was fine anytime her husband, Dre asked if she was okay when clearly she was not okay. Her depression was known throughout their home and her children were worried. Her husband was worried and they did not know what to do to help their mother who was clearly not alright. My depression was barely known. I probably only told 3-4 people about my depression. Now more people know because I have more strength and energy to talk about it and advocate for others whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m not even sure if my parents noticed.

But I kept thinking that this actress did her homework and for that, I am so grateful to her. We do not talk about the mothers who just gave birth enough. How is she feeling? What is she doing? How is her mental health? Besides the fact we are not talking about depression and mental health enough, imagine a mother who just gave birth and is expected to be the happiest mother in the world because she just gave birth to her child but she isn’t. Birth is so strenuous on the body no matter how much we advance in medicine; pregnancy is another human being renting out your body for 9 months.

Kids don’t always take something from their mom on their way out but for some moms, things are taken. They should not be shamed for it, they should gain treatment when they do not feel like themselves anymore after giving birth.

I found the episode to be deeply inspiration and I hope this is a topic that gets talked about more.

All the women who decided to get pregnant to have their children are special people. It is not easy to be pregnant for a portion of women and for them to do it anyway shows more credit than society gives; we should change that.

There is a lot of situations and reactions that need to change when it comes to mental health and hopefully circumstances will only improve and not go backwards. 

short announcement: I also wanted to take this time to share with those who read my blog posts, that I am changing the name of my post from ‘Suggestion Box’, to ‘Substance for the Subconscious’. I am very happy to be doing this because I feel like this is a name that is mine and that rolls of the tongue a bit. I know a lot of people might not like the ring of it but I do. It is a scary step but I can always change it again but for now, I wanna try out ‘Substance for the Subconscious’ to see how that goes.

Thank you to those who do read my blog and I hope you have been enjoying the ride. I hope to only get better and to continue to give you food for your thoughts.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what are some techniques you have been taught to help improve your mental health? I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I’d appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Anxiety is a Trouble-maker

Since I made a very important post about depression and having depression, I knew I had to make a post about having and living with anxiety.

This is something that I had been wanting to write about for a long time but I never got around to it. Now that I have noticed that I have been getting more anxiety, I knew it was time to talk about it more. This is something that probably a lot of people can relate to but I get a lot more anxiety when I am dating someone.

It’s someone recurring for me and it’s something that I wish I didn’t have to deal with but it is what it is. I get triggered around men whom I am dating since there are so many things going through my mind when I am dating someone. I have had too many experiences where I think everything is okay and then it turns out that there are some issues that the guy decided to withhold from me. Another reason is how I have been previously treated so whenever my body feels it’s in similar situations, I get anxious. These are just to name a few instances where my anxiety can get triggered.

It’s one of the worst feelings in the world because most of the time the situation is not going to reoccur because every guy is different. But just the slightest thing that reminds my mind of whatever terrible event that has happened will trigger my anxiety and make me think of the worst or most irrational things that can happen between me and a guy.

Fortunately, wanting to work in the psychology field has helped me gain plenty of tools to help grow and thrive in a romantic relationship. It has also helped me a great deal to understand my anxiety better, what exactly is anxiety and what I can do to soothe my anxiety and to go back to rationalizing my thoughts.

Being and feeling anxious about something or someone sucks. Some guys would tell me that I am over-thinking things and everything is okay. But my anxiety is telling me the exact opposite and things continue to be terrible because who do I believe? My anxiety who has been there for who knows how long or a guy I’ve only been seeing for quite some time? Some may even say that our anxiety can help warn you about things that may happen. I feel that your anxiety may be telling you that something is going on that needs to be addressed which is normal. What is not okay is how our anxiety may blow things out of proportion which causes anxiety to be a trouble-maker.

I can go on and on about my anxieties but lets talk about ways to manage and to deal with our anxieties. One, if it is that bad, try looking for a therapist. This is something that is going to take some time and dedication because you may be shopping for a therapist for quite some time if you do not find one you are comfortable with on the first try but until then let’s try number two; breathing.

Whatever it is that triggered you anxiety, try to breath in deeply. The deeper you breath, the more oxygen makes its way into your brain which can have a calming effect. So when you’re anxious, try focusing on your breathing. This has helped me a bit. Another thing that has helped me is taking a bath, drinking some wine and drinking some chamomile tea; whatever tea you like, drink it. This was three; drinking something soothing or getting into a bath with all the fixens that you desire.

A fourth thing you can try is going for a walk. When I say going for a walk I mean in nature. Do not go out for a walk in a busy street somewhere like 42nd street or Harold square if you live in New York City. Try finding a park area that isn’t too crowed and listen to nature. Watch the sunset even or the sunrise if you anxiety got triggered early in the morning. If it’s late at night, try looking up at the stars. Aim for things that can soothe you because when you are anxious, you are over-thinking about anything and everything that can happen with you, something or someone.

It is important to keep your body active so that you mind is no over-thinking so much.

We’re all human and we’re so flawed that we were made to make mistakes. That is how we learn, from our mistakes.

We all get anxious about something at some point in our lives but it does us no use being and feeling anxious over things that we have no control over like other people. Everyone is going to do what they think is best for them and we can only do so much about it. It is helping no one, especially yourself, if you spend all of you time stressing and being anxious about other people or certain situations that you can’t take of this very second or even for the rest of the day.

Not that I do not know what that is like to do nothing but to stay at home, in bed, and stress about the thing you have no control over. Being in bed and feeling nothing but anxiety over the one thing you want to change but can’t. This leads to us not eating well and sleeping too much or not enough because of all the energy spent on being and feeling anxious for who knows how many hours.

I know it is incredibly difficult to put down a situation that you care so much about and can’t stop thinking about because now you are obsessing over it; you want it to be over. You do not want to move on to the next situation until you are done with the one you are currently obsessing over.  

I had moments when I am stuck in bed for hours just being sad and stuck in my head, being sad about things that aren’t even an issue and it sucks; it makes me feel like a stagnant loser. incredibly low about myself that I would become so stuck and immobile.

But this is where all the fighting and the pushing comes in; the most challenging part. 

We have to do our best to figure out what is making us anxious and try to mend those anxious whether it is having a talk with the person you may be anxious about or finding ways to soothe your anxiety for the mean time. Keeping your mind busy does help with the anxieties. But we have to keep fighting, we cannot continue to not eat or sleep well and let ourselves obsess over something that we can not do anything about. We also can’t let anxiety prevent from doing the things we want to do or the things we love doing for too long. We have to do our best to continue to put ourselves first and making sure our mental health is healthy. Our health comes first.

I can’t stress enough that it is more than alright to feel the way that we do because of our anxieties sometimes, it can’t be helped, we’ve experienced too much and our bodies can’t help but be on edge when it comes to certain situations. What is important is for us to catch ourselves when we’re stuck in  our minds. I know that is incredibly difficult for anyone with anxiety.

Anxiety sucks, it causes us to think about problems that doesn’t exist, causes us to get stuck in our minds, we become so irrational over the smallest of things, and why? For some it’s a chemical imbalance, for others, they’re scared because they probably loved to hard and got crushed harder.

Even if the worst may occur, it is definitely not the end. What matters now is to move forward either with or without your anxieties.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Depression = No Drive

I wanted to make a post about why I have been lacking in drive and motivation to write and I decided to make it just a mini series of posts for those who may be going through the same thing.

I have not been writing as much as I was for most of this year because in the middle of June, I developed depression and I didn’t have the courage until recently to start talking about. I even feel very guilty right now typing this because I have not even told my two best friends that I had depression. I mainly didn’t tell them because I didn’t want them to tend to me. I wanted them to think I was fine so that they could treat me the same way and not treat me like a depressed person.

I was isolating myself, putting myself down and making myself feel like absolute worthless shit. The two things I really wanted to do this summer was to finally read more books and write more posts because I finally had the drive that I have been waiting 3 summers to have and just like that it was gone.

I still do not have the drive I once had earlier in the summer and said lack of drive only prevents me from writing even more. I  think I can say that I do not “have as much” depression if that is even a correct way to describe things. But I still find my appetite not being where I want to be and I have not been going to the gym as much as I previously was but I am still going to the gym every week nonetheless.

I also didn’t have the courage to write about my depression because of how long I had it. I ended up being depressed for about a month and a half, maybe two months before I started feeling like myself again. I thought that amount of time was not adequate compared to others who have had depression for many months of many years so I felt like I could not relate to them.

It took me quite some time to realize that it is not necessarily about the amount of time but what you felt and did during that amount of said time. 

I want to believe that I am not as depressed as before because I do feel much happier than before and I do feel more like myself again. But when it comes to my reading and writing, I can’t help but to worry that maybe there is still something lingering because I struggle just as much as before when it comes to writing and when it comes to writing something that I am actually proud of.

I also get anxiety sometimes which is one of the worst things I have experienced. But I will say that for me, dealing and trying to get past depression was way scarier than having anxiety. When I have anxiety, I am going back and forth with myself about things that I know are okay but my anxiety wants to tell me other wise. Unfortunately, it does take some time for my anxiety to fade. The other day it took about 6 hours for my anxiety to fully fade. But when it comes to depression, it is a completely different ball park to me and for me.

When my depression was at its worst, I could not talk to anyone. I was crying almost all the time for no apparent reason. I was crying because I was sad and I felt sad because I was sad. There was nothing in particular that I was sad about. I was crying for the plain fact that I was feeling sad due to me being depressed. When it came to the crying all the time, it was very hard not to cry in public. It was very difficult not to run somewhere secluded where I can scream and whale at the top of my lungs until I felt some type of feeling again because I did experience some emotional numbness.

When I was or was not crying, I was isolating myself from all of my friends and my parents. I could not bring myself to talk to anyone. My depression was telling me not to talk to anyone because I didn’t deserve to. My depression was also telling me what a piece of shit I was and how worthless I was. That part had to be the worst for me; when my depression was trying to convince me of how worthless I was and in the beginning, I believed it. Anytime my depression would belittle or demean me, I’d let it and I’d agree.

But over time, I refused to let myself think that way because of the years of hard work of working on myself and my happiness. That was what helped me a lot to get out of my depression.; my resilience and refusal to lose. I began to just refuse to be like that with myself and I kept fighting and pushing until there was nothing telling me that I was nothing because that was the biggest lie it could say to me.

I have worked extremely hard to become the person I am today. That was another reason why I felt so ashamed to talk about my depression. I had worked so hard to become genuinely happy and then for my coping skills not to work and still developed depression. I felt like I failed myself and I probably did. But staying down just was not an option for me.

For now, I am going to end this here because I’m starting to feel spent. I finally found some energy to write this post because I can only imagine how many people are going through depression right now as I’m writing this or the amount of people who were on a similar boat as me.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me if you had a friend with some mental health issues and what you did to help make you friend feel better.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤