Introducing Myself…

I wanted to take the time out to write a little about myself because I always put it out there that whomever are reading my posts are going to get to know me to some extent. I may not say too much about myself but I want everyone who decided to read what I write, whoever decides to hit that follow button, to have an idea of who is writing all of this stuff.

I am a college graduate with a BA in Psychology. I do intend to become a psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist one day; whichever I can afford to be for the time being. This is a joy I grew to love as I got older; figuring out why people do what they do. Along with helping those who want to get help. I have been through my amount of struggles on this Earth when I was younger and everything sucked. I lost so much of myself during those times. There are people now who are losing pieces of themselves as I type this. 

But if one day, they find their way to me and I am able to help them, of course I am going to do what I can as a future mental health professional. I have been through so much that I feel this is one of the ways I can give back to as many communities as I can; by becoming a mental health professional.

On the other side, there is writing. 

I have been writing for as long as I remembered picking up a pencil. I was always writing some kind of story in my big spiral notebook. I still remember that notebook even though I haven’t the slightest idea whatever happened to it. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it got thrown away by one of my parents.

Writing is something I have always loved because it was mine and I never thought about if my writing was good or bad; I just thought of it as writing a story. As I got older, school became more demanding and trying to form some kinds of friendships became a thing. But then I started to get bullied a lot and I never even realized what was happening until I got older. Since I was never in a bullying situation, of course I did not know what to do. A bunch of my teachers at the time witnessed what was happening to me and only did so much.

I remember having one art teacher tell me to go to the principal’s office to tell her what happened and I hesitated so much. I don’t know how long it took me to gather whatever courage to actually go. I kept telling the teacher telling the principal isn’t going to make my classmates stop bullying me and I did not want to go. At the time, we all knew what would happen if we to “snitch” on anyone, we’d get bullied more and sometimes 10x worse. If I remember correctly, my art teacher at the time told me she would not let me go until I told her that I would go tell the principal what happened. I eventually said yes and I actually did go. The principal told me to tell my teacher to tell the girl who bothered me the most to go to the principal’s office and I actually did that too. I have no idea, at the time, what came across me to do such things but I did and I felt so dumb for it. My teacher told the girl who bullied me to go to the principal’s office in front of everyone. Her mistake for doing it in front of everyone. My mistake for going up to my teacher when she was in front of everyone…

One of the worst days of my life. Guaranteed top 5 worst.

Of course the next day the girl started throwing spitballs at me and kept trying to throw basketballs at me until it hit my head on separate occasions. She was a persistent bully and sadly not the only one. At the time, I did not know how to defend myself. All the anxiety that  grew in me still lingers today and it in only triggered in certain situations which sucks. I do not think I have an anxiety disorder but I do get anxious at first sometimes and it goes away just like with most people. 

I share my bullying stories for closure for myself and for other people who read this to know they are not alone. I was bullied for a handful of years and my current life is great and is only going to get better the older I get because I want it to. I learned over the years how to put my foot down and to stand up not only for myself but for others. I took a long time but it was growth well worth it.

Due to that happening and more, I stopped writing… It took me years to pick up a creative pencil again. I even forgot about how much I loved writing. when I found writing again I was sad at first because I forgot about one of my first loves and it was heart-aching. Every since I found it again, I have never let go since.

I have been shy for years to show ANY kinds of my work because I was afraid people would not like it and say it sucks. Even if that happens, one more person knows about my work and knows that I write. 

I AM GOING TO MAKE A TON OF MISTAKES. And I can only hope those who are willing to join this journey will be understanding that some of my work is going to have grammar mistakes or plan not make sense because I am going to have two jobs over the summer so some things are going to go over my head. I apologize in advanced if some posts sound strange. It is purely due to the fact that I probably did not proofread it enough. I might proofread previous posts when I have time. So maybe no. Laughing. Out. Loud.

Those who made it to the end. Thank you. It really does mean a lot to me. You’ll probably never know how much I really do appreciate you making it to the bottom of this post. I plan to do my best here and everything I write something. Thank you for wanting to be apart of my journey…

As for how often I plan to post here, I plan to post on Sundays here as well. I have another blog which is MY OTHER BLOG. I know I posted twice yesterday but I wanted to dip my toes in the water and have something here to show that I am active.

Sundays are the days that you will be seeing my posts. If I miss a Sunday, I usually double up on the next. I hope you guys are looking forward to my suggestions…

Thank you…

to the future…

Writer’s Block Suck.

If any one of you guys out there consider yourself to be a writer of some kind, then you know very well how much it sucks to have writer’s block especially when all you want to do is write.

I noticed that the older I get, the more writer’s block I am able to experience. It sucks because when I was much younger, I don’t think I have ever gotten writer’s block, I was always writing some kind of story in my notebook no mater how short or long it was; there was always a story written.

As I’ve gotten older, gained more responsibilities including sustaining and maintaining my mental, physical, and spiritual health, it can be hard to find some time to sit down for at least an hour and just type or write.

I know I need to be somewhere quiet with just my thoughts and my parents can sound like four loud people even though it is just them two. That is the reason why I usually write when they go to sleep but of course, it is night time and either a lot of my ideas have faded or I am just too tired to get anything down on my devices or paper. It fucking sucks.

I have had nights where I have had some great ideas and couldn’t get the down because I’d either be still half asleep and I’m not thinking to write down my ideas, I’m thinking about going back to sleep.

Growing up, I do not think I had a lot of books where I just wrote stories, I remember only having one, big, yellow, spiral notebook that I wrote a bunch of stories in. Everything else I have are just my journals for my personal writing; not for the world to see.

I have tried buying big notepads thinking they would work but I found myself not  really writing in them. I did a few summers ago but sadly, it did not workout well. Then I tried carrying an even smaller notebook around and that didn’t work either for me. Maybe I should go back to my roots and d what I did when I was a kid; just carry around a regular spiral notebook; nothing too fancy.

This summer, I want to try to write more than I have in the past few summers. My mentor feels a sense of responsibility to get my foot in a door somewhere that has to do with writing. I’m not sure if she wants me to get published but she wants my writing to be recognized somehow. As terrifying as that is, I do too. I do want to be a published writer at some point. I do want a handful of my books to be a best-seller. I want to be a best-selling author or a best-seller in a category for a while. I would want some of my books and/or novels to receive some form of reward because I’d want my books to feel good and be recognized for who they are; wonderful works of art for everyone to read and enjoy.

I’m talking about books like they’re people. They’re not people but they’re beyond special to me. Whatever I have written since I was young, even if I do not know where they are anymore, they are still beyond special to me. I have been writing for years and it is just a huge part of me and what makes me, me… All I want is for people to read what I have been writing for years, months, days, and to just react to my writing. I know if I get some form of reaction, even if it is a disgusted reaction, my writing is good because it made the reader feel something. Anything…

So if you consider yourself to be a writer of whatever genre, this summer, write something. Even if it’s just a poem.

I will end things here. Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what you do when you’re experiencing writer’s block.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Emotional Times with Friends.

We all know that despite how perfect we think most of our friendships are, we know deep down they’re not and tough times are going to happen for whatever the reason may be. Anything could happen, just like with everything in this life, can happen to our relationships. Our words do matter when it comes to your loved ones or anyone else you have an encounter with.

I wanted to talk a little about it because I have had a few very emotional days as of late and I honestly was a bit scared of how my body may or may not react to it all. You just never know when it comes to certain situations how you body or mind may react especially if there are certain situations you just don’t handle well for whatever the person reason is; all our of our upbringings are different no matter how similar they can be.

I am the type of person that I know how to push things to the side that I do not find significant. The problem in that is if I do not come to terms with the situation first it may bottle up inside me without me realizing and can be released in other ways that may not be healthy not just for me but for those around me.

I felt emotional on those days because of the conversations I was having with certain people. I am not good when things start to escalate such as if people start getting yelling or screaming seriously. I am not good with those sorts of situations because of the family issues growing up. I have developed a little bit of anxiety over time but it has decrease the more I have being having these kinds of conversations. I know it sucks to be anxious but sometimes facing people or situations head on can help a lot for the future.

The first conversation was through a messenger but the person started off the conversation being nothing but rude including with the greeting. The person did not give me a hello or even stated that things are intense between us and we should fix things. The person opened up the conversation by stating “whatever it is that you have to say to me, tell me, here is your opportunity.” I was taken a back and couldn’t help but to feel irked because who does this person think they are to speak to someone else so rudely? Also, I find it rude to get in contact with a person you’re not that close with late at night. It already shows that the other person did things on their time and did not consider the other person’s schedule. This person contacted me at 10:30 pm, Eastern Time. Anything past 7 o’clock, and we’re not close friends is late to me.

One thing I will say is not to tolerate rude people. You get away from those sorts of people because if they are rude to you once, they will do it again. I can promise you that. Even if it doesn’t happen the next week or so, even the next year, they will be rude again and it may be worse than the first time.

I had a talk with another friend that leaves me questioning the friendship even more to the point where I do not think I can no longer call him a friend. Our friendship was starting to wilt because I thought our friendship was closer and it turned out not to be which hurt and disappointed me deeply. I know plenty of you have been through situations like this and yes, it does suck to lose a friend. The silver lining is that it leaves room to meet new people to make new and amazing friends that are healthy and does not stress you out.

Another reason I wanted to talk a little about this is because there are people out there who do not react to these sorts of situations well and that is why I want to keep talking about our emotions and our thinking processes. I am a sensitive person. In my case,  I will talk the situation for an extra day more than some other people. Although, there are people that internalize the situation, for example, without meaning to; it was the way their mind and body chose to process the situation. There are some people who generally feel that they are at fault for the entire situation whether or not it was their fault at all. That is deeply concerning to me.

Those are some reasons why I feel is it important to have these conversations about these kinds of situations to remind the person or people that yes, it is a tough time but that is exactly what it is; a tough time and it will pass. Times like these does not mean you have a hard or tough life, it means you are going through a hard and tough time. Try to remember to keep in mind that you do your best and to realize that you are human and will make mistakes.

During those times, I know where I may have been at fault in certain situations but I refuse to beat myself up over a situation(s). Other should not beat themselves up over it either because that will not solve anything for the other parties involved or you. You have to put yourself first because when no one else does who will? 

A couple tips I do have for these situations is to take a break. Take some time away from the situation to give yourself some time to process everything. It also gives all parties an opportunity to not get mad at each other and say things they may regret or hurtful out of anger. That is a common thing to happen because we’re all human but if this is a person or people you want to keep in your life, be aware of your word choice and in what tone you choose to express your words through.

Another tip is to drink water, tea, your favorite beverage that is not alcoholic and/or eat something. Stressing over the situation won’t solve it either so try drinking something. The most important thing I can suggest is to BREATH in deeply. Do not forget to control your breath! Big, big tip. It might sound funny but you would be surprised how often we literally forget to breath in and out properly. Doing this helps to clear your mind thus thinking through the situation rationally. 

When you’re going through a tough patch with your friend or whomever is important to you, the whole point is the resolve things and to reach a compromise. You want to hear each other out and figure things out together. Do not try to ‘one up’ each other and have the last word because that is not the solution either of you are looking for. That happened during a conversation with someone I do not think I can consider a friend anymore. Things got to a point where it felt like the person wanted to have the last say instead of resolving all the issues they had.

Keep in mind that you love this person or people and you want what is best for all of you.

I will end things here. Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how you settle disagreements with your loved ones.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤