Single Long Time

I thought it would be a good idea to talk about this because I never really sat down with myself to discuss the fact that I have been single for a long time now. When I say a long time, I do mean a long time for me personally because I have not had a boyfriend in about 5-6 years now and that can feel like eternity for some. When it became one year, I thought it was no big deal because I did have a date or two so I thought it was just amount of time until I got a boyfriend. Little did I know.

Next thing I knew, 3 years became 4 and I am bitching and complaining to all of my friends about why people who are not fit for relationships are in relationships meanwhile, for the most part, I’m pretty well-rounded so why is it so hard for me? It took me a long time to feel okay about being single for a long time and learning how to love myself and falling in love with myself time and time again because like anyone around my age, I do get lonely and in need of company.

One of my best-friends also told me that broken people attract other broken people and there are more broken people out there in the world than well-rounded people such as me and my two closest best-friends. Another thing is that there are plenty of people who are scared to be happy with someone but that is something I will leave for another post.

Then those feelings of being lonely and such branches out to the feeling of willing to be accompanied by any guy no matter how unsuitable they are for me because I didn’t want to feel alone. Sure, I have been involved with some guys but none of them ever became serious. Along side with me intentionally becoming involved with some guys because I knew it would never become serious. But then I would catch myself feeling sad when it wouldn’t become serious due to all of those non-realistic rom-com movies I watched growing up that showed me that two completely different people who start fucking eventually start developing feelings for each other and get into this beautiful relationship when that does not happen very often ESPECIALLY with people who live in the city in my opinion. 

I was told my a former friend that an exact situation happened to one of his friends; his friend had a one night stand with a girl and started dating her soon after because he cared about her and was not the type to just sleep with a girl and that would be it. That girl was beyond lucky because most guys would fuck and leave or try to be friends so that in the future he can try to fuck some more if the sex was that good.

But I mainly wanted to talk about this because I learned to love being with myself so much that now I get anxiety or feel very uncomfortable when a guy does like me and/or tries to seriously date me because I have not been in a serious relationship for so long. 

I don’t really remember how to be intimate and close with a man who seriously wants to be close and intimate with me.

Every time I think about it, I see my body freaking out because it feels like something bad is going to happen or I might think, “why even bother? We both know this isn’t going to go far.” And the list of negative thoughts go on.

I just don’t know how to be in a serious relationship anymore with someone where I don’t have to worry about anything and barely have any stresses concerning the relationships unless something serious occurs and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I’m also not afraid to say that I do not know how to be in a serious relationships anymore because I am willing to learn how to do it again but it would take me some time. I do prefer to take things slow and really get to know the guy.

I really just want to talk with a man and have conversations that feel natural.

I hate when guys feel that in order to show that their attracted to me they have to flirt with me. I hate it because I automatically think that they just want to hit it and quit it because that is what most men want to do with me and I’m simply not about doing that with a guy I am far from feeling comfortable with.

I honestly don’t mind hitting it and quitting it with a guy but it has to be a guy I know very well and I’m comfortable with. Comfort is very important to both me and I know so men feel the same way so I don’t want to hear that guys will sleep with just any woman because that’s just dangerous for anyone and everyone.

I’m open to trying to be in a relationship with someone but I find it really hard to explain to them that I have had a hard time in the past and I’ve been single for a long time so I need to go slow; men give me anxiety.

I have had a few instances when people have told me, back in college, some guys liked me but I have to pay attention to who they were. That is probably the worse advice to tell anyone who has had the experiences I had or similar to the experiences I have had. Along with how am I able to pay attention to something that I cannot see? Pay attention to what? I don’t know how many times I said, “No one does not seem to be talking to me with serious romantic intentions. Pay attention to who?”

“Can’t tell you, bro code.”

One of the most annoying things to tell a woman who is willing to be in a loving relationship, “bro code.” It’s funny until it’s seriously used. You’re trying to help your boy by not helping your boy? There are billions of men in the world. Who do you expect me to pay attention to when no guy appears to have romantic intentions towards me?

Guys, there’s no solid advice I can give you aside from being yourself. If she does not like you for you or willing to get to know you, you’re wasting your time. This applies to women as well. Be yourself. If he does not like you for you and is not willing to get to know you, you are wasting your time. Find someone who is willing to get to know you and genuinely speak with you to see what kind of person you are. Skin deep relationships are important. 

If you’re okay with a gentlemen or lady who likes you for your body and all of that is established between all parties then okay. If you are not okay with that, you need to say something because the only one losing out is you.

I digress. I need to start out slow with a guy because I do not want to get ahead of myself and I usually just want to talk to a guy to see what he is about and to see if we are compatible.

A lot of the times when I end up opening up about myself it is because if I feel the way that I do that means someone else out there feels the same way. I write in hopes that my posts make their way to people who feel the same way and hopefully recognize that they are not alone and not the only ones who feel the way that they feel.

So one thing I would want to leave with those reading is to try to be open-minded and understanding with some people who have been single for a long time and is just used to being single and loving themselves. Ask what they like to do and go from there. 

Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me about your romantic relationship endeavors.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

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