Anxiety is a Trouble-maker

Since I made a very important post about depression and having depression, I knew I had to make a post about having and living with anxiety.

This is something that I had been wanting to write about for a long time but I never got around to it. Now that I have noticed that I have been getting more anxiety, I knew it was time to talk about it more. This is something that probably a lot of people can relate to but I get a lot more anxiety when I am dating someone.

It’s someone recurring for me and it’s something that I wish I didn’t have to deal with but it is what it is. I get triggered around men whom I am dating since there are so many things going through my mind when I am dating someone. I have had too many experiences where I think everything is okay and then it turns out that there are some issues that the guy decided to withhold from me. Another reason is how I have been previously treated so whenever my body feels it’s in similar situations, I get anxious. These are just to name a few instances where my anxiety can get triggered.

It’s one of the worst feelings in the world because most of the time the situation is not going to reoccur because every guy is different. But just the slightest thing that reminds my mind of whatever terrible event that has happened will trigger my anxiety and make me think of the worst or most irrational things that can happen between me and a guy.

Fortunately, wanting to work in the psychology field has helped me gain plenty of tools to help grow and thrive in a romantic relationship. It has also helped me a great deal to understand my anxiety better, what exactly is anxiety and what I can do to soothe my anxiety and to go back to rationalizing my thoughts.

Being and feeling anxious about something or someone sucks. Some guys would tell me that I am over-thinking things and everything is okay. But my anxiety is telling me the exact opposite and things continue to be terrible because who do I believe? My anxiety who has been there for who knows how long or a guy I’ve only been seeing for quite some time? Some may even say that our anxiety can help warn you about things that may happen. I feel that your anxiety may be telling you that something is going on that needs to be addressed which is normal. What is not okay is how our anxiety may blow things out of proportion which causes anxiety to be a trouble-maker.

I can go on and on about my anxieties but lets talk about ways to manage and to deal with our anxieties. One, if it is that bad, try looking for a therapist. This is something that is going to take some time and dedication because you may be shopping for a therapist for quite some time if you do not find one you are comfortable with on the first try but until then let’s try number two; breathing.

Whatever it is that triggered you anxiety, try to breath in deeply. The deeper you breath, the more oxygen makes its way into your brain which can have a calming effect. So when you’re anxious, try focusing on your breathing. This has helped me a bit. Another thing that has helped me is taking a bath, drinking some wine and drinking some chamomile tea; whatever tea you like, drink it. This was three; drinking something soothing or getting into a bath with all the fixens that you desire.

A fourth thing you can try is going for a walk. When I say going for a walk I mean in nature. Do not go out for a walk in a busy street somewhere like 42nd street or Harold square if you live in New York City. Try finding a park area that isn’t too crowed and listen to nature. Watch the sunset even or the sunrise if you anxiety got triggered early in the morning. If it’s late at night, try looking up at the stars. Aim for things that can soothe you because when you are anxious, you are over-thinking about anything and everything that can happen with you, something or someone.

It is important to keep your body active so that you mind is no over-thinking so much.

We’re all human and we’re so flawed that we were made to make mistakes. That is how we learn, from our mistakes.

We all get anxious about something at some point in our lives but it does us no use being and feeling anxious over things that we have no control over like other people. Everyone is going to do what they think is best for them and we can only do so much about it. It is helping no one, especially yourself, if you spend all of you time stressing and being anxious about other people or certain situations that you can’t take of this very second or even for the rest of the day.

Not that I do not know what that is like to do nothing but to stay at home, in bed, and stress about the thing you have no control over. Being in bed and feeling nothing but anxiety over the one thing you want to change but can’t. This leads to us not eating well and sleeping too much or not enough because of all the energy spent on being and feeling anxious for who knows how many hours.

I know it is incredibly difficult to put down a situation that you care so much about and can’t stop thinking about because now you are obsessing over it; you want it to be over. You do not want to move on to the next situation until you are done with the one you are currently obsessing over.  

I had moments when I am stuck in bed for hours just being sad and stuck in my head, being sad about things that aren’t even an issue and it sucks; it makes me feel like a stagnant loser. incredibly low about myself that I would become so stuck and immobile.

But this is where all the fighting and the pushing comes in; the most challenging part. 

We have to do our best to figure out what is making us anxious and try to mend those anxious whether it is having a talk with the person you may be anxious about or finding ways to soothe your anxiety for the mean time. Keeping your mind busy does help with the anxieties. But we have to keep fighting, we cannot continue to not eat or sleep well and let ourselves obsess over something that we can not do anything about. We also can’t let anxiety prevent from doing the things we want to do or the things we love doing for too long. We have to do our best to continue to put ourselves first and making sure our mental health is healthy. Our health comes first.

I can’t stress enough that it is more than alright to feel the way that we do because of our anxieties sometimes, it can’t be helped, we’ve experienced too much and our bodies can’t help but be on edge when it comes to certain situations. What is important is for us to catch ourselves when we’re stuck in  our minds. I know that is incredibly difficult for anyone with anxiety.

Anxiety sucks, it causes us to think about problems that doesn’t exist, causes us to get stuck in our minds, we become so irrational over the smallest of things, and why? For some it’s a chemical imbalance, for others, they’re scared because they probably loved to hard and got crushed harder.

Even if the worst may occur, it is definitely not the end. What matters now is to move forward either with or without your anxieties.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

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you’re more than enough.

I wanted to take the time out to make this post for those who are currently not feeling like they are not enough. People out there who feel like what they are doing might feel like it is not enough when all they’ve have been doing is trying. I want to let you know that you are not the only one but you are doing enough. You are doing your best to be the best version of yourself. We keep hearing that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves but no one is going on about how hard it is. Some people might be but I don’t think enough people are deeply talking about how hard it can be to be our best selves. Sometimes it feels constantly difficult to be the best ‘us’ we can be because our best may not be ‘the best’ at times. 

It fucking sucks.

We wake up early every morning and we don’t see the results we thought would occur from our hard work from the night before. We work hard all day and we feel exhausted by the end of the day; sometimes we don’t feel like there is much of a change in our lives. We feel like all of our hard work is going nowhere and we continue to feel drained.

Some of our jobs are sucking us dry and we continue to give and give and we feel like we are receiving nothing in return; not even a thank you. And you know you’re doing a lot. Whether it is for your job, your friends, your family, you spouse, the random homeless person you’re always giving dollars to, you’re doing a lot.

But guess what? Even though it might not feel like you are enough in this very moment, you need to tell yourself you are because you are enough. You are doing so much for others and yourself. There had been so many times when you put others ahead of yourself and you did not feel appreciate enough. In those moments, appreciate yourself because you know what you did. Tell yourself good job and keep things going for yourself. Yeah it might be silly at first to tell yourself, “good job. Keep up the good work” but you know you did. You know you did do a good job! Hell! You did a great job! 

Why is it so silly to tell yourself what anyone else would when they recognize good work and effort being given?  

When something didn’t workout in your favor but you know you did everything you were able to do in your power, tell yourself that it’s okay but it was enough.

It’s okay to be sad because something didn’t work out. Of course you are going to be sad and bummed out for a while. Of course we are going to be sad and bummed out for a while because it was something you truly wanted and you thought things would be different this time. Sadly, this time things were not so different. Again. But it is okay even though its not okay right now. Overall, things are okay because you still have some type of income coming from somewhere, you have some kind of family, you friends, and most of your health.

Aging is a hell of a thing.

So you are enough. You did say enough and you did do enough. You did enough for the person you were in the moment. I’m writing this stuff out for us to not continue to be so hard on ourselves. We have to learn to be gentler with ourselves and try to blame others for their wrong doing. We cannot continue to have the mentality that we are always the one at fault. Sometimes we are but other times we are not at fault and we have to get better at pointing it out. We have to become more comfortable with pointing out other people’s short-comings because who else is going to defend us? Someone might but that is never a guarantee. We have to become more comfortable with advocating for ourselves because we have to be the first person to love ourselves and to have our own backs.

We have to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first. We especially have to do that when we are being disrespected. That does not mean we fight fire with fire. That means we found our balanced way of pointing out things that we are not comfortable with. Even if we don’t get it right the first time it is more than okay because we have our whole lives to get it right and to become more comfortable. Yeah it’s embarrassing but how bland would life be if we couldn’t experience different emotions in different moments?

You are more than enough. Remember that. Do not let anyone tell you to your face that you are not enough and let them get away with it. You are always enough. We are always enough.

I will end things here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell yourself and your loved ones that they’re enough and give them a big squeezing hug. Trust me, it works.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Traveling.

I wanted to take some time out to talk a little about my recent travels. My trip will be almost done by the time you are reading this and by then hopefully I have a good trip overall.

I forgot that I do not do well with traveling with family members. I am only with one and this said family member shows their emotions through getting angry or dramatic which is draining for a person like me who rather take things are they are and work from there.

Before the trip even started my family member was complaining that we were going to be late to he airport because I accidentally ordered a cab 15 minutes later than we decided and it was my first time booking a cab in advance. I got the hang of it and I highly recommend booking cabs in advance if you need to be somewhere on time and do not want to leave things up to chance.

Of course we were not late for the flight, we were really early and got there on time with plenty of time to spare. I forgot about my money because I have been so focused on other things despite still being on vacation. My said family member is the only one who can go into my savings for the meantime and I can not go alone to take out money from my savings. Apparently it was my fault instead of theirs when they went to the bank the day before and didn’t ask if I wanted anything while they were at the bank. 

Yes, I should have reminded the person but I still thought the person would have said something considering I cannot withdraw anything without their signature. Which is probably the reason why I didn’t make such a big fuss but either way it does not really matter because of technology; I can use my debit card anywhere and the currency will exchange automatically. If I really want cash, I could go to any international bank, no big deal right?

Not to this family member! 😀 They just kept finding ways to take out cash when it was clearly too late and not a big deal because I could still use my debit card. Why fuss?

Lets fast forward into the night shall we? Said relative has sleep issues, they talk in their sleep, snore, and etc. So what happens at night? I go to bed early enough to wake up for the complimentary breakfast the hotel offers which is from 8am to 9am if I’m not mistaken. But I spend hours trying to sleep and kept waking up throughout the night because my relative kept making so much noise. They were talking in their sleep, moving around too much so all you heard was the ruffling of their bed sheets along side with all of the snoring that was going on. There was no such thing as sleep for me that night. Considering all the noise congestion in this hotel, since this is smaller hotel than what I am used to, I wouldn’t be surprised if other people heard all the snores faintly. My relative would snore so loud that they’d wake themselves up throughout the night.

It was too much because I already was not feeling comfortable in this room since it is smaller than what I am use to and there is no kitchen; I can’t make my own hot meals when I am trying to have a better diet. Along with me being homesick and missing my best friends, I  wasn’t even able to come to terms with any of those feelings because of how loud my relative was despite being asleep.

Hopefully, the other nights were not as bad and I was able to get some sleep but now as much as I need. One night I got six hours of sleep so of course I woke up late. I even ended up not going out that day and just stayed at the hotel to read and write all day. Not too shabby if you ask me.

I haven’t had a day where all I did was read, write, eat, and drink water. Of course use the bathroom whenever necessary.

Either way, I stress for you all to make sure that the person you are traveling with will not make the trip unbearable, try to make the trip fun to some extent and is understanding of how much space you need.

Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me if you’ve ever been on an insufferable trip with a family member.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

 

Introducing Myself…

I wanted to take the time out to write a little about myself because I always put it out there that whomever are reading my posts are going to get to know me to some extent. I may not say too much about myself but I want everyone who decided to read what I write, whoever decides to hit that follow button, to have an idea of who is writing all of this stuff.

I am a college graduate with a BA in Psychology. I do intend to become a psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist one day; whichever I can afford to be for the time being. This is a joy I grew to love as I got older; figuring out why people do what they do. Along with helping those who want to get help. I have been through my amount of struggles on this Earth when I was younger and everything sucked. I lost so much of myself during those times. There are people now who are losing pieces of themselves as I type this. 

But if one day, they find their way to me and I am able to help them, of course I am going to do what I can as a future mental health professional. I have been through so much that I feel this is one of the ways I can give back to as many communities as I can; by becoming a mental health professional.

On the other side, there is writing. 

I have been writing for as long as I remembered picking up a pencil. I was always writing some kind of story in my big spiral notebook. I still remember that notebook even though I haven’t the slightest idea whatever happened to it. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it got thrown away by one of my parents.

Writing is something I have always loved because it was mine and I never thought about if my writing was good or bad; I just thought of it as writing a story. As I got older, school became more demanding and trying to form some kinds of friendships became a thing. But then I started to get bullied a lot and I never even realized what was happening until I got older. Since I was never in a bullying situation, of course I did not know what to do. A bunch of my teachers at the time witnessed what was happening to me and only did so much.

I remember having one art teacher tell me to go to the principal’s office to tell her what happened and I hesitated so much. I don’t know how long it took me to gather whatever courage to actually go. I kept telling the teacher telling the principal isn’t going to make my classmates stop bullying me and I did not want to go. At the time, we all knew what would happen if we to “snitch” on anyone, we’d get bullied more and sometimes 10x worse. If I remember correctly, my art teacher at the time told me she would not let me go until I told her that I would go tell the principal what happened. I eventually said yes and I actually did go. The principal told me to tell my teacher to tell the girl who bothered me the most to go to the principal’s office and I actually did that too. I have no idea, at the time, what came across me to do such things but I did and I felt so dumb for it. My teacher told the girl who bullied me to go to the principal’s office in front of everyone. Her mistake for doing it in front of everyone. My mistake for going up to my teacher when she was in front of everyone…

One of the worst days of my life. Guaranteed top 5 worst.

Of course the next day the girl started throwing spitballs at me and kept trying to throw basketballs at me until it hit my head on separate occasions. She was a persistent bully and sadly not the only one. At the time, I did not know how to defend myself. All the anxiety that  grew in me still lingers today and it in only triggered in certain situations which sucks. I do not think I have an anxiety disorder but I do get anxious at first sometimes and it goes away just like with most people. 

I share my bullying stories for closure for myself and for other people who read this to know they are not alone. I was bullied for a handful of years and my current life is great and is only going to get better the older I get because I want it to. I learned over the years how to put my foot down and to stand up not only for myself but for others. I took a long time but it was growth well worth it.

Due to that happening and more, I stopped writing… It took me years to pick up a creative pencil again. I even forgot about how much I loved writing. when I found writing again I was sad at first because I forgot about one of my first loves and it was heart-aching. Every since I found it again, I have never let go since.

I have been shy for years to show ANY kinds of my work because I was afraid people would not like it and say it sucks. Even if that happens, one more person knows about my work and knows that I write. 

I AM GOING TO MAKE A TON OF MISTAKES. And I can only hope those who are willing to join this journey will be understanding that some of my work is going to have grammar mistakes or plan not make sense because I am going to have two jobs over the summer so some things are going to go over my head. I apologize in advanced if some posts sound strange. It is purely due to the fact that I probably did not proofread it enough. I might proofread previous posts when I have time. So maybe no. Laughing. Out. Loud.

Those who made it to the end. Thank you. It really does mean a lot to me. You’ll probably never know how much I really do appreciate you making it to the bottom of this post. I plan to do my best here and everything I write something. Thank you for wanting to be apart of my journey…

As for how often I plan to post here, I plan to post on Sundays here as well. I have another blog which is MY OTHER BLOG. I know I posted twice yesterday but I wanted to dip my toes in the water and have something here to show that I am active.

Sundays are the days that you will be seeing my posts. If I miss a Sunday, I usually double up on the next. I hope you guys are looking forward to my suggestions…

Thank you…

to the future…

Writer’s Block Suck.

If any one of you guys out there consider yourself to be a writer of some kind, then you know very well how much it sucks to have writer’s block especially when all you want to do is write.

I noticed that the older I get, the more writer’s block I am able to experience. It sucks because when I was much younger, I don’t think I have ever gotten writer’s block, I was always writing some kind of story in my notebook no mater how short or long it was; there was always a story written.

As I’ve gotten older, gained more responsibilities including sustaining and maintaining my mental, physical, and spiritual health, it can be hard to find some time to sit down for at least an hour and just type or write.

I know I need to be somewhere quiet with just my thoughts and my parents can sound like four loud people even though it is just them two. That is the reason why I usually write when they go to sleep but of course, it is night time and either a lot of my ideas have faded or I am just too tired to get anything down on my devices or paper. It fucking sucks.

I have had nights where I have had some great ideas and couldn’t get the down because I’d either be still half asleep and I’m not thinking to write down my ideas, I’m thinking about going back to sleep.

Growing up, I do not think I had a lot of books where I just wrote stories, I remember only having one, big, yellow, spiral notebook that I wrote a bunch of stories in. Everything else I have are just my journals for my personal writing; not for the world to see.

I have tried buying big notepads thinking they would work but I found myself not  really writing in them. I did a few summers ago but sadly, it did not workout well. Then I tried carrying an even smaller notebook around and that didn’t work either for me. Maybe I should go back to my roots and d what I did when I was a kid; just carry around a regular spiral notebook; nothing too fancy.

This summer, I want to try to write more than I have in the past few summers. My mentor feels a sense of responsibility to get my foot in a door somewhere that has to do with writing. I’m not sure if she wants me to get published but she wants my writing to be recognized somehow. As terrifying as that is, I do too. I do want to be a published writer at some point. I do want a handful of my books to be a best-seller. I want to be a best-selling author or a best-seller in a category for a while. I would want some of my books and/or novels to receive some form of reward because I’d want my books to feel good and be recognized for who they are; wonderful works of art for everyone to read and enjoy.

I’m talking about books like they’re people. They’re not people but they’re beyond special to me. Whatever I have written since I was young, even if I do not know where they are anymore, they are still beyond special to me. I have been writing for years and it is just a huge part of me and what makes me, me… All I want is for people to read what I have been writing for years, months, days, and to just react to my writing. I know if I get some form of reaction, even if it is a disgusted reaction, my writing is good because it made the reader feel something. Anything…

So if you consider yourself to be a writer of whatever genre, this summer, write something. Even if it’s just a poem.

I will end things here. Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what you do when you’re experiencing writer’s block.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Emotional Times with Friends.

We all know that despite how perfect we think most of our friendships are, we know deep down they’re not and tough times are going to happen for whatever the reason may be. Anything could happen, just like with everything in this life, can happen to our relationships. Our words do matter when it comes to your loved ones or anyone else you have an encounter with.

I wanted to talk a little about it because I have had a few very emotional days as of late and I honestly was a bit scared of how my body may or may not react to it all. You just never know when it comes to certain situations how you body or mind may react especially if there are certain situations you just don’t handle well for whatever the person reason is; all our of our upbringings are different no matter how similar they can be.

I am the type of person that I know how to push things to the side that I do not find significant. The problem in that is if I do not come to terms with the situation first it may bottle up inside me without me realizing and can be released in other ways that may not be healthy not just for me but for those around me.

I felt emotional on those days because of the conversations I was having with certain people. I am not good when things start to escalate such as if people start getting yelling or screaming seriously. I am not good with those sorts of situations because of the family issues growing up. I have developed a little bit of anxiety over time but it has decrease the more I have being having these kinds of conversations. I know it sucks to be anxious but sometimes facing people or situations head on can help a lot for the future.

The first conversation was through a messenger but the person started off the conversation being nothing but rude including with the greeting. The person did not give me a hello or even stated that things are intense between us and we should fix things. The person opened up the conversation by stating “whatever it is that you have to say to me, tell me, here is your opportunity.” I was taken a back and couldn’t help but to feel irked because who does this person think they are to speak to someone else so rudely? Also, I find it rude to get in contact with a person you’re not that close with late at night. It already shows that the other person did things on their time and did not consider the other person’s schedule. This person contacted me at 10:30 pm, Eastern Time. Anything past 7 o’clock, and we’re not close friends is late to me.

One thing I will say is not to tolerate rude people. You get away from those sorts of people because if they are rude to you once, they will do it again. I can promise you that. Even if it doesn’t happen the next week or so, even the next year, they will be rude again and it may be worse than the first time.

I had a talk with another friend that leaves me questioning the friendship even more to the point where I do not think I can no longer call him a friend. Our friendship was starting to wilt because I thought our friendship was closer and it turned out not to be which hurt and disappointed me deeply. I know plenty of you have been through situations like this and yes, it does suck to lose a friend. The silver lining is that it leaves room to meet new people to make new and amazing friends that are healthy and does not stress you out.

Another reason I wanted to talk a little about this is because there are people out there who do not react to these sorts of situations well and that is why I want to keep talking about our emotions and our thinking processes. I am a sensitive person. In my case,  I will talk the situation for an extra day more than some other people. Although, there are people that internalize the situation, for example, without meaning to; it was the way their mind and body chose to process the situation. There are some people who generally feel that they are at fault for the entire situation whether or not it was their fault at all. That is deeply concerning to me.

Those are some reasons why I feel is it important to have these conversations about these kinds of situations to remind the person or people that yes, it is a tough time but that is exactly what it is; a tough time and it will pass. Times like these does not mean you have a hard or tough life, it means you are going through a hard and tough time. Try to remember to keep in mind that you do your best and to realize that you are human and will make mistakes.

During those times, I know where I may have been at fault in certain situations but I refuse to beat myself up over a situation(s). Other should not beat themselves up over it either because that will not solve anything for the other parties involved or you. You have to put yourself first because when no one else does who will? 

A couple tips I do have for these situations is to take a break. Take some time away from the situation to give yourself some time to process everything. It also gives all parties an opportunity to not get mad at each other and say things they may regret or hurtful out of anger. That is a common thing to happen because we’re all human but if this is a person or people you want to keep in your life, be aware of your word choice and in what tone you choose to express your words through.

Another tip is to drink water, tea, your favorite beverage that is not alcoholic and/or eat something. Stressing over the situation won’t solve it either so try drinking something. The most important thing I can suggest is to BREATH in deeply. Do not forget to control your breath! Big, big tip. It might sound funny but you would be surprised how often we literally forget to breath in and out properly. Doing this helps to clear your mind thus thinking through the situation rationally. 

When you’re going through a tough patch with your friend or whomever is important to you, the whole point is the resolve things and to reach a compromise. You want to hear each other out and figure things out together. Do not try to ‘one up’ each other and have the last word because that is not the solution either of you are looking for. That happened during a conversation with someone I do not think I can consider a friend anymore. Things got to a point where it felt like the person wanted to have the last say instead of resolving all the issues they had.

Keep in mind that you love this person or people and you want what is best for all of you.

I will end things here. Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how you settle disagreements with your loved ones.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤