Blackish episode : Mother Nature

I watched one of the new episodes of ‘Black-ish” not long ago. It was the episode ‘mother nature’ where Rainbow ‘Bo’, is experiencing postpartum depression and I am in tears for probably half of the episode. I was looking straight into a mirror. I could relate to her character on such a deep level and I knew I had to write about it. I have not had a child so I have not experienced postpartum depression specifically but I have experienced depression due to high levels of stress and that shit sucked.

You want to be healthy so bad but you know mentally you are not.

I am desperate for mental health issues to become more normalized in the sense that people in our society becomes more aware to the point that anyone would recommend a trip to a doctor’s office like they do a broken foot or the common cold. I know that things would become so much easier for millions of Americans alone if mental health issues were given the attention it so rightfully deserves.

Bo kept saying she was fine anytime her husband, Dre asked if she was okay when clearly she was not okay. Her depression was known throughout their home and her children were worried. Her husband was worried and they did not know what to do to help their mother who was clearly not alright. My depression was barely known. I probably only told 3-4 people about my depression. Now more people know because I have more strength and energy to talk about it and advocate for others whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m not even sure if my parents noticed.

But I kept thinking that this actress did her homework and for that, I am so grateful to her. We do not talk about the mothers who just gave birth enough. How is she feeling? What is she doing? How is her mental health? Besides the fact we are not talking about depression and mental health enough, imagine a mother who just gave birth and is expected to be the happiest mother in the world because she just gave birth to her child but she isn’t. Birth is so strenuous on the body no matter how much we advance in medicine; pregnancy is another human being renting out your body for 9 months.

Kids don’t always take something from their mom on their way out but for some moms, things are taken. They should not be shamed for it, they should gain treatment when they do not feel like themselves anymore after giving birth.

I found the episode to be deeply inspiration and I hope this is a topic that gets talked about more.

All the women who decided to get pregnant to have their children are special people. It is not easy to be pregnant for a portion of women and for them to do it anyway shows more credit than society gives; we should change that.

There is a lot of situations and reactions that need to change when it comes to mental health and hopefully circumstances will only improve and not go backwards. 

short announcement: I also wanted to take this time to share with those who read my blog posts, that I am changing the name of my post from ‘Suggestion Box’, to ‘Substance for the Subconscious’. I am very happy to be doing this because I feel like this is a name that is mine and that rolls of the tongue a bit. I know a lot of people might not like the ring of it but I do. It is a scary step but I can always change it again but for now, I wanna try out ‘Substance for the Subconscious’ to see how that goes.

Thank you to those who do read my blog and I hope you have been enjoying the ride. I hope to only get better and to continue to give you food for your thoughts.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what are some techniques you have been taught to help improve your mental health? I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I’d appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

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I post every week

I know I have not been so active on here but believe that I have been working on posts.

I just needed to figure out exactly how to go about things here and I have finally figured out how.

I also have a new computer so I can definitely do a lot more now with my posts. Hopefully those who come across my blog like what they see and will share it around for others to enjoy. 

As I’ve mention and will continue to mention time and time again, my writing means a lot to me and it is something that I want to continue to keep doing. I have been writing for a long time and I only want to get better with my writing and evolve. I hope those who decide to be apart of this journey will enjoy the ride.

I also changed the name of my blog from ‘suggestion box’ to ‘substance for the subconscious.’ I know some may not like it but I do. I know it is a mouthful but it is mine and I think it sticks out.

Anxiety is a Trouble-maker

Since I made a very important post about depression and having depression, I knew I had to make a post about having and living with anxiety.

This is something that I had been wanting to write about for a long time but I never got around to it. Now that I have noticed that I have been getting more anxiety, I knew it was time to talk about it more. This is something that probably a lot of people can relate to but I get a lot more anxiety when I am dating someone.

It’s someone recurring for me and it’s something that I wish I didn’t have to deal with but it is what it is. I get triggered around men whom I am dating since there are so many things going through my mind when I am dating someone. I have had too many experiences where I think everything is okay and then it turns out that there are some issues that the guy decided to withhold from me. Another reason is how I have been previously treated so whenever my body feels it’s in similar situations, I get anxious. These are just to name a few instances where my anxiety can get triggered.

It’s one of the worst feelings in the world because most of the time the situation is not going to reoccur because every guy is different. But just the slightest thing that reminds my mind of whatever terrible event that has happened will trigger my anxiety and make me think of the worst or most irrational things that can happen between me and a guy.

Fortunately, wanting to work in the psychology field has helped me gain plenty of tools to help grow and thrive in a romantic relationship. It has also helped me a great deal to understand my anxiety better, what exactly is anxiety and what I can do to soothe my anxiety and to go back to rationalizing my thoughts.

Being and feeling anxious about something or someone sucks. Some guys would tell me that I am over-thinking things and everything is okay. But my anxiety is telling me the exact opposite and things continue to be terrible because who do I believe? My anxiety who has been there for who knows how long or a guy I’ve only been seeing for quite some time? Some may even say that our anxiety can help warn you about things that may happen. I feel that your anxiety may be telling you that something is going on that needs to be addressed which is normal. What is not okay is how our anxiety may blow things out of proportion which causes anxiety to be a trouble-maker.

I can go on and on about my anxieties but lets talk about ways to manage and to deal with our anxieties. One, if it is that bad, try looking for a therapist. This is something that is going to take some time and dedication because you may be shopping for a therapist for quite some time if you do not find one you are comfortable with on the first try but until then let’s try number two; breathing.

Whatever it is that triggered you anxiety, try to breath in deeply. The deeper you breath, the more oxygen makes its way into your brain which can have a calming effect. So when you’re anxious, try focusing on your breathing. This has helped me a bit. Another thing that has helped me is taking a bath, drinking some wine and drinking some chamomile tea; whatever tea you like, drink it. This was three; drinking something soothing or getting into a bath with all the fixens that you desire.

A fourth thing you can try is going for a walk. When I say going for a walk I mean in nature. Do not go out for a walk in a busy street somewhere like 42nd street or Harold square if you live in New York City. Try finding a park area that isn’t too crowed and listen to nature. Watch the sunset even or the sunrise if you anxiety got triggered early in the morning. If it’s late at night, try looking up at the stars. Aim for things that can soothe you because when you are anxious, you are over-thinking about anything and everything that can happen with you, something or someone.

It is important to keep your body active so that you mind is no over-thinking so much.

We’re all human and we’re so flawed that we were made to make mistakes. That is how we learn, from our mistakes.

We all get anxious about something at some point in our lives but it does us no use being and feeling anxious over things that we have no control over like other people. Everyone is going to do what they think is best for them and we can only do so much about it. It is helping no one, especially yourself, if you spend all of you time stressing and being anxious about other people or certain situations that you can’t take of this very second or even for the rest of the day.

Not that I do not know what that is like to do nothing but to stay at home, in bed, and stress about the thing you have no control over. Being in bed and feeling nothing but anxiety over the one thing you want to change but can’t. This leads to us not eating well and sleeping too much or not enough because of all the energy spent on being and feeling anxious for who knows how many hours.

I know it is incredibly difficult to put down a situation that you care so much about and can’t stop thinking about because now you are obsessing over it; you want it to be over. You do not want to move on to the next situation until you are done with the one you are currently obsessing over.  

I had moments when I am stuck in bed for hours just being sad and stuck in my head, being sad about things that aren’t even an issue and it sucks; it makes me feel like a stagnant loser. incredibly low about myself that I would become so stuck and immobile.

But this is where all the fighting and the pushing comes in; the most challenging part. 

We have to do our best to figure out what is making us anxious and try to mend those anxious whether it is having a talk with the person you may be anxious about or finding ways to soothe your anxiety for the mean time. Keeping your mind busy does help with the anxieties. But we have to keep fighting, we cannot continue to not eat or sleep well and let ourselves obsess over something that we can not do anything about. We also can’t let anxiety prevent from doing the things we want to do or the things we love doing for too long. We have to do our best to continue to put ourselves first and making sure our mental health is healthy. Our health comes first.

I can’t stress enough that it is more than alright to feel the way that we do because of our anxieties sometimes, it can’t be helped, we’ve experienced too much and our bodies can’t help but be on edge when it comes to certain situations. What is important is for us to catch ourselves when we’re stuck in  our minds. I know that is incredibly difficult for anyone with anxiety.

Anxiety sucks, it causes us to think about problems that doesn’t exist, causes us to get stuck in our minds, we become so irrational over the smallest of things, and why? For some it’s a chemical imbalance, for others, they’re scared because they probably loved to hard and got crushed harder.

Even if the worst may occur, it is definitely not the end. What matters now is to move forward either with or without your anxieties.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

you’re more than enough.

I wanted to take the time out to make this post for those who are currently not feeling like they are not enough. People out there who feel like what they are doing might feel like it is not enough when all they’ve have been doing is trying. I want to let you know that you are not the only one but you are doing enough. You are doing your best to be the best version of yourself. We keep hearing that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves but no one is going on about how hard it is. Some people might be but I don’t think enough people are deeply talking about how hard it can be to be our best selves. Sometimes it feels constantly difficult to be the best ‘us’ we can be because our best may not be ‘the best’ at times. 

It fucking sucks.

We wake up early every morning and we don’t see the results we thought would occur from our hard work from the night before. We work hard all day and we feel exhausted by the end of the day; sometimes we don’t feel like there is much of a change in our lives. We feel like all of our hard work is going nowhere and we continue to feel drained.

Some of our jobs are sucking us dry and we continue to give and give and we feel like we are receiving nothing in return; not even a thank you. And you know you’re doing a lot. Whether it is for your job, your friends, your family, you spouse, the random homeless person you’re always giving dollars to, you’re doing a lot.

But guess what? Even though it might not feel like you are enough in this very moment, you need to tell yourself you are because you are enough. You are doing so much for others and yourself. There had been so many times when you put others ahead of yourself and you did not feel appreciate enough. In those moments, appreciate yourself because you know what you did. Tell yourself good job and keep things going for yourself. Yeah it might be silly at first to tell yourself, “good job. Keep up the good work” but you know you did. You know you did do a good job! Hell! You did a great job! 

Why is it so silly to tell yourself what anyone else would when they recognize good work and effort being given?  

When something didn’t workout in your favor but you know you did everything you were able to do in your power, tell yourself that it’s okay but it was enough.

It’s okay to be sad because something didn’t work out. Of course you are going to be sad and bummed out for a while. Of course we are going to be sad and bummed out for a while because it was something you truly wanted and you thought things would be different this time. Sadly, this time things were not so different. Again. But it is okay even though its not okay right now. Overall, things are okay because you still have some type of income coming from somewhere, you have some kind of family, you friends, and most of your health.

Aging is a hell of a thing.

So you are enough. You did say enough and you did do enough. You did enough for the person you were in the moment. I’m writing this stuff out for us to not continue to be so hard on ourselves. We have to learn to be gentler with ourselves and try to blame others for their wrong doing. We cannot continue to have the mentality that we are always the one at fault. Sometimes we are but other times we are not at fault and we have to get better at pointing it out. We have to become more comfortable with pointing out other people’s short-comings because who else is going to defend us? Someone might but that is never a guarantee. We have to become more comfortable with advocating for ourselves because we have to be the first person to love ourselves and to have our own backs.

We have to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first. We especially have to do that when we are being disrespected. That does not mean we fight fire with fire. That means we found our balanced way of pointing out things that we are not comfortable with. Even if we don’t get it right the first time it is more than okay because we have our whole lives to get it right and to become more comfortable. Yeah it’s embarrassing but how bland would life be if we couldn’t experience different emotions in different moments?

You are more than enough. Remember that. Do not let anyone tell you to your face that you are not enough and let them get away with it. You are always enough. We are always enough.

I will end things here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell yourself and your loved ones that they’re enough and give them a big squeezing hug. Trust me, it works.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Damaged People Dating

I needed to take the time out to write about this because this is something that I learned about a couple months ago.

First, I want to specify what I mean by “damaged” people dating. Damaged people, for example, is a person who just got out of a serious relationship and think that they can jump into a new serious relationship and that could be for a number of reasons.

A person who is damaged needs time to heal but they may not realize that at first and may think that finding someone new is what they need in order to heal and sometimes that may work for some if that was talked about and established. Communication is vastly important for just about every situation having to do with human interaction.

People who just came out of a serious relationship are emotionally exhausted. They gave so much of themselves to someone else and it did not work out in the long run. I’m not saying these are people to avoid at all but it does not hurt to point out to them over and over that they need time to be on their own and to heal up if being in a serious relationship is their end goal.

But if they do want to be with someone else, if they feel that may help, they need to pick who they spend their romance with carefully because it sounds better for them to be with a person who wants something more casual compared to a person who wants to seriously date.

The upsetting part is that there are people who are still “damaged” and may be seriously trying to date but skip over the fact that they just got out of a serious relationship. That type of situation is not fair to the other person but life is not about being fair; it’s about learning. Sadly, these situations are going to cause some pain and yes, it does suck.

It could have all been avoided if the “damaged” person was just honest about their life situation sooner in order for the other person to make an education decision on whether or not they want to continue things with said “damaged” person.

One suggestion I do have is to not be afraid to ask a person you think you may want to date about their previous relationships. That is something to always ask when getting to know someone romantically anyway. It is important to ask questions in general about information that is important to you in order to find your peace of mind and security.

Before I wrap this up, I just want to stress that these are not people to avoid at all. If anything they can be great friends, need their friends and healthy friendships to get over their breakups. Although, it is very important to be mindful of other people’s emotions if avoiding unnecessary hurt is the goal and to try to be as honest as possible about information you know is or may involve another person.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

Mental Illness does not equal Creativity

I have been seeing and hearing for years that creative people write their best stuff when they are experiencing depression for example or when they are in a very low point in their lives. I am alongside with all of the people who disagree. As someone who has been writing since I have been very young, I remember writing a lot of stuff whenever I was in a good place mentality.

I have not been in a great place as of late and while I was a teenager. I did not write anything I was proud of when I was a teenager dealing with the aftermath of being bullied, growing up and not knowing how to deal with the fact that I was bullied for so long.

It was not that long ago that I lost my drive and will to write out my posts for my blogs and lost the motivation to work on my stories because of me, not so long ago, experiencing depression.

The media has done a very good job of showing people that great things can come from painful times and that may be true for some but I doubt for most especially when it comes to mental health issues. When someone has a mental health issue, our bodies become to preoccupied with tending to said mental issues and making sure we can function and not die.

I also have a handful of creative friends as well who have gone through their own mental issues that prevented them from making any type of art. I remember we would have conversations about how they felt so sad or they felt so unmotivated that they either couldn’t come up with anything good or whatever ideas they did have, they felt it was not good enough to show. Something I can relate to on a very deep level.

Having mental health issues and experiencing them are terrible experiences. My depression was so bad that I remember thinking that I would not wish those types of emotions and emptiness of emotions on my worst enemies; no one wants to feel that way. Most people definitely cannot squeeze out anything creative when they are in such a bad head space. It can become such a struggle for some to just get out of bed or even brush their teeth so imagine trying to write out an elaborate book series or even just one chapter or even just one blog post.

So when it comes to creative people making some type of art whether it is a TV show, a story, a drawing or a painting, we did not make it when we were in a terrible or bad head space., we made those pieces of art when we were in a much better place with ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I will end things here. I know it was rather short but I do not think there is more to say on the matter for now. We are note creative when we are dealing with a mental or emotional issue; we just can’t.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤

being an understanding person.

I think it is important to remind each other from time to time how important it is to be an understanding person not only to your loved ones and yourself but to the people around you.

We are all humans beings and we are all used to our way of living. Sometimes we can forget that there are about 7.5 billion people on our Earth today and counting. So of course we are very likely to bump into someone or something that is vastly different from us. But that’s okay because just because something is different does not make it scary; it’s just different.

Personally, I prefer differences especially since I’m trying to become more professional with my writing. The more people I meet who are different from me the more likely I am to get inspired by something they had to offer. If I kept spending so much time around people who were very similar to me, my way of thinking would never have be challenged. I would pretty much stay the same person because there would be no exposure to something or someone different from myself to challenge my way of thinking or my perspectives on life.

I know it can be scary when we are face-to-face with something that we do not have much knowledge on because it could be dangerous or we just do not know what to do at first. But I think it’s okay when we don’t have much knowledge when it comes to a completely different person because that is when communication comes in handy.

Of course if you feel like the person can be dangerous then by all means, trust you instincts. But when it comes to meeting new people for example, I think it is important to just talk, ask simple questions like where were they born. If they’re from another country, just ask them how it’s like. 

Another way to be understanding is when your loved ones are busy or can have pretty busy schedules at some points throughout the week. I know when I’m trying to see some friends and they end up being busier than expected, it sucks. But that does not mean that it’s the end. We talk about when is our next available time and we take things from there. I know some people would get mad about something like that because the schedule shifted and not everyone knows how to accommodate to that.

But being understand of people’s schedules is important because it builds trust, it builds faith and comfort in both people; especially they one who turned out to be busier than anticipated.

I know I also need to talk a little about being understanding with ourselves. I know when I was younger and I didn’t do well with my academics, I’d definitely beat myself up over it. There were times when I made myself feel less than because I didn’t get a top score for example. Even though my grades were usually at the top of my class, I’d feel like such a loser whenever I would get an okay grade. I shouldn’t have spoken to myself like that. No one is perfect. Sometimes we are not going to do so well at something for whatever the reason may be and it’s expected of us. We are not always suppose to get things right the first time or every time. We can be our best cheerleaders or our worst enemies. I think it’s better to be kinder to ourselves and be understanding of that fact that we didn’t do well this time. Which can mean that next time we’ll do much better and learn from our previous mistakes.

There are tons of examples on how to be an understanding person but I think what helps is to keep an open mind to things. Things are subject to change at any time so I think it is important to be mindful of that and to not have such high expectations because your body may react in a way that isn’t so beneficial to anyone including yourself.

I am going to end things here because I wanted to make a short post about being understanding and doing our best to be with those around us and ourselves.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how hard it can be to be understanding sometimes.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care ❤